Reading Anil Dash's piece on unlearning to hate his under-eye circles was eye opening for me, literally.
I always knew that my under-eye circles were ugly — too dark — and something to be hidden under makeup, or better yet, corrected with some chemical concoction.
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Over the years, my mother would offer different brands of concealers for me to try. She would give advice on what shade to choose. I found the titanium dioxide additive in most makeup was giving me way too much of a whitish cast, resulting in a harsh line between my cheek and jawbone line. I sought a more natural alternative. No good cover-up presented itself.
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I tried the creams meant to cure my problem.
It didn't take me long to find out that the "typical" under-eye cream was not for congenital hyperpigmentation (I was born this way), but for broken blood vessels.
I tried a stronger brand and burned my eyes and skin so badly that my face puffed up. I had to stop wearing my contacts for weeks. I still can't wear mascara anymore without causing another flare up. Luckily, kajal eyeliner is just fine and all the makeup I wear now.
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Somewhere after having kids and finding myself with very little time or desire to primp every day, I stopped wearing makeup and concealer. Now, the kajal is all I wear — when I remember — and it makes my eyes look darker. But I like that.
Somehow it took reading Dash's piece on unlearning self-hate to make me put feelings into words. Maybe I'm not just being lazy by leaving my under-eye circles unwhitened?
I live in a world not made for me. I am different. I am beautiful. The same lessons I keep trying to teach my kids, I needed to teach myself.
I never found that perfect concealer. But, I now realize that I can stop the search. I have beauty in my own skin. Maybe I am born with it.