1. "$#&@$#&@?!?!?!?!!"
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2. "It'll grow back… It'll grow back…"
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3. "That's it. You're moving."
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4. "That time you wondered what it would be like to cut your hair with garden shears? Way better than this."
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5. "Good thing you're single."
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6. "You're in danger girl."
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7. "Where's Pharrell's hat when you need it?"
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8. "It's not so bad… you know, when your eyes are shut."
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9. You say, "I… love it?" to the hairdresser, while inner you is all…
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10. "Well maybe if you… What if you tried… You could always… Nope, your hair is the antichrist."
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11. "That time Mom had to cut gum out of your hair? Yep, still better."
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12. "Does she get the tip or do you?"
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13. "This calls for a mix tape."
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14. "Time to grab the wig off the mannequin and haul ass."
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15. "That time you were dared to shave your head in college? Still. Better."
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16. "How has it not grown out yet?" – You, 12 minutes after leaving the salon
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